I got the CF card (10$) and the CF card adapter (20$), and I put a liveusb copy of DSL on there and put them in Oofleschmoop, so now I have him running. Kinda.
CLI only seems to take up 640x480 of the 800x600 pixels on screen, and X only works with 640x480x4.
The worst part is that DSL's toolkit doesn't run in 4-bit, so I can't open most of the useful little dialogs like wifi setup so I could get a better Xserver that supports the Trident Cyber9382 in this thing. It also turns out that the DWL-G650 I ordered is not C2, which is the version that works with DSL, but B5, which will require me to use ndiswrapper + proprietary driver if I want to get it working with kernel 2.4.31.
Luckily, if ndiswrapper doesn't work (going to try it over the weekend), I have another option:
Debian Etch netinstall. If I do this, hopefully it will work with wifi and I'll be able to install packages. I might need to buy a 64MB stick instead of the 32MB stick of RAM that's currently in there because the Debian wiki recommends 40MB RAM, which is exactly what I have (and I don't want to cut it that close). Since I've successfully used the DWL-G650 with Etch, this shouldn't be a problem.
I'll update this with pics tomorrow and hopefully a success story over the weekend.